Song lyrics of the day: Upupa epops
c.nappi
Top Ten Scandalous-Sounding Names For Fictional Intimate Acts Generated By Putting Chinese Transliterations Of Terms From A Fourteenth Century Collection of Mongolian Documents Through Google Translate This Afternoon:
10. Martha and The Black Mahama
9. The Fire of the Original Clean
8. Wipe Tuo
7. Scattered Jill Police
6. Tongue Assassination
5. The Black Dingban of Ghana
4. The Wood Answer
3. Satisfied Door
2. Satisfied Speed Children
1. Kazakhstan Tongue Labouti
“I felt like my vagina died,” she shared of her sex life with [former husband]. “Turned off. Lights out . . . you can lie to your relatives at Christmas dinner and tell them everything on the home front is just peachy. But you cannot lie to your vagina.” … “Sometimes your vagina dies,” she explained. “Then you know it’s time to go.” – from “Olivia Wilde: Jason Sudeikis and I Have ‘Sex Like Kenyan Marathon Runners’,” Us Weekly 09.10.2012
Vagina: (n) Symbiotic organism connected to and communicatively linked with a human woman’s body. Has preternatural powers of lie-detection, especially during Christmas and in matters involving stone fruit. Illuminated when functional. Can proceed through repeated life-cycles with several successive births and deaths, each signaling a change in the locomotive pattern of host woman. Can be resurrected, especially by Kenyan marathon runners.
(A villanelle to Claire Danes, composed upon realizing that every major role she has played that I could think of off the top of my head has been dominated by a basically dysfunctional relationship. Also, I watch too much television.)
My So-Called Homeland
Angela: [voiceover] Does anybody know Jordan Catalano? That question, like, got to me. I mean, I’d had seven conversations with him, and one really bad kiss, and one amazing one. But did I, like, know him?
They stretch your strings like tuning a piano
We all, by now, know Congressman Nick Brody.
Does anyone know Jordan Catalano?
Claire Danes, we need like sauce needs oregano
To find you a male lead who’s not so naughty.
They stretch your strings like tuning a piano.
One crazy soldier, hard like parmigiano;
One shaggy brooder coasting on peyote.
(Does anyone know Jordan Catalano?)
On loser-loves, you need to place a ban-o.
(In Shopgirl, Claire, we saw you date a roadie!)
They stretch your strings like tuning a piano.
Nor Angela nor Carrie has a plan, yo.
Each goes for the inscrutable coyote.
Does anyone know Jordan Catalano?
Both men have got the touch like iPod nano.
But if you’re asking me now for my vote-y,
They stretch your strings like tuning a piano.
Does anyone know Jordan Catalano?